Tonight, JT is coming home from Seattle where he has been since Tuesday on business. This was our first time to be apart from each other for more than 24 hours. While I missed him, I decided to take advantage of this time and my rediscovered -- albeit temporary -- singleness.
I made a list of things I wanted to do while he was gone that I don't get to do as much when he's here: fall asleep to a movie (I get the best sleep doing this), listen to loud angry girl music and/or opera while I cleaned, watch Food Network at any given moment, work on writing a story that's been formulating in my mind, and spend all evening at a bookstore.
I talked on the phone and skyped with girlfriends more than usual. I ate from a box. I figured out how to use the DVD player out of necessity. I got some pages written for the first time in years. I cleaned my kitchen to Heart and the extra room to the most earnest bluegrass music you'll ever hear – at full volume. While I wouldn’t trade my husband for anything, it was nice to do these things and fill my quota for the time being.
All of that made me very aware of singleness and the whole "Seasons" concept in this context. The popular song by The Byrds and a passage from the Bible have created a metaphor between the temporary stations and circumstances in life and the changes in the weather based on time and the earth's rotation.
On our honeymoon, ironically, I read a book called What a Girl Wants, recommended by OKChick. The main character divided her singles group at church into “Reasons,” meaning there’s a reason they are single, and “Seasons,” meaning they will only be single for a season.
This is a touchy subject, I know; it broaches an insecurity that I faced myself in college when the guys I crushed on never seemed to reciprocate my feelings. Was there something about me, an easy explanation for this? I have to admit there were times in my life when my singleness was a huge obstacle for me and the insecurity tainted everything I did, the way I looked at the opposite sex, and my motivation for life.
While I am happy that all of my single friends are thriving in their chosen professions and taking full advantage of the opportunities they have before marriage, it sincerely worries me that any woman could feel that way, that any woman could feel invalidated because of her singleness.
I don’t remember when that mindset passed exactly. Maybe my last semester of college? Somewhere along the way, I experienced the realization that this was my time, this was my season to grow in my relationship with Christ and improve myself in every aspect. That motivation enabled me to set goals. I read more about pretty much every subject. I examined my relationships and how I could be a better friend and servant to people. I did my best to develop healthy habits and stick to them. I took up running. I traveled to see friends. I journaled a lot and asked God to reveal Himself to me and reveal things about me that needed to change.
But most of all, I realized the most important thing of all: I was exactly where God wanted me. He still had things to teach me that I needed to know before I got married. While no human is ever complete or fully prepared for marriage, it helps to develop a mindset, skill set, and subtle strength of self-worth in Christ because getting married and putting one’s self-worth in a spouse doesn’t do any favors for man or wife.
To my single friends, take this to heart: remember that the Bible says it is not good for man to be alone. If you have the gift of “singleness” that many seems to dread, you are fully aware of it, embrace the call and have a peace about it. But other than the select few who are called to be single, you are destined to someday complete a man just like Adam’s rib completed Eve.
But until then, ask God to make His presence known to you and reveal ways that He can make you more complete.
And enjoy those lazy Saturdays, the extra time between shaving your legs in the winter, eating from a box, the unlimited chick flicks, and weekend trips on a whim.